Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
