my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
