I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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