I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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