Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
