My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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