I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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