he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
