do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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