I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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