Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
