i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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