So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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