sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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