just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
