i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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