I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
