Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
