Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
