if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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