Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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