So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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