I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
