i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
