We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
