If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
