yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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