I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
