You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
