she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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