god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
