please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
