Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
