i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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