you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
