yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
