Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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