It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
