dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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