kristin has been a bad kristin
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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