Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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