i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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