hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
