yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
