there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
