I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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