who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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