Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
