if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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