I'm really into asian looking animals
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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