is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
