I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
