I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
