So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
