Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
