I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
