I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
