but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
