They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
