i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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