Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
