Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
