I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
