it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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