life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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