I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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