I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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