My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
