And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
